Bitches can't be serious

So Jeff and I went out the other night to a fundraiser party, we had a ball... at least i think we did i was wasted ...lol .. anyway we get home and I'm going through the pictures i took at the party and he asks me specifically about this one girl, then tells me she was looking at him funny all night. fast forward it 3days later i mention it to one of my best girly friends and she says " girl i was supposed to tell you she was asking people about you and Jeff.." then all of a sudden i see she sends me a friend request on face book ... i looked at it and said to myself you know bitches cant be serious about this shit. What the fuck ? why is this bitch trying to be my friend ? these damn trifling hoes need to watch out for me, i carry pepper spray and I'm a sadist.

Passion fruit - Girl with a Fendi bag & a bad attitude.

No direction to this post...

I guess Jeff (my official boyfriend) is feeling me even more since i had my brief tryst with James... ( who by the way decided that he is now in a committed relationship with a fellow med student, so it would be inappropriate to contact me further. I think that if i help you over come your mental causes for your erectile dysfunction you should still want to make it seem like i will be your friend for life for fixing your broken cock) ... well that seemed like a rant.


Anyway... Jeff has been showering me with lots of attention, kisses, hugs, been very accepting of my shoe buying, and has been really good about me starting to dress a bit more sluttier as my weight drops. Saturday night we went out for dinner i wore some skin tight hot shorts, hot pink platform stilettos, and a baby pink baby t-shirt.. i really wish i has a pink corset to wear but it may have been too much for him. needless to say Jeff told me i looked very sexy, which is amazing because every time i had ever wanted to break up with him it was always an argument about him not complimenting me on my efforts to look nice. I hope he can keep up his good behavior I'm enjoying feeling special.
Fast forward to last night... i wore a black corset & crocodile patterned leggings with a lace poncho on top... FABULOUS ... with  nude platform pumps... my boobs looked like little large pillows...lol  anyway i looked fucking awesome! and Jeff told me so repeatedly all night... i guess he wanted o get some action last night..
The place we went to overlooks the harbour, and there was a cool breeze blowing all night kinda like a special effects fan because my hair had the wind in it at all times and this one guy described me as a super hero in my get up..lol needless to say i had 3 people mistake me for a working girl last night... I looked more like the dominatrix i am, than for sale.

( Speaking of working girls.. some of my favorite people are working girls... but the set i ran into were the cheap kind... why do they draw attention to themselves by dancing like dueling strippers in a seedy club... 2 Colombian girls in midriff baring tops, bikini strings dangling in the back, mini denim skirts, & laced up sandals with BIG fucking purses... & their madame... a former working girl looking like she had better days could have run a flat iron/ some curls in her hair. What is so hard about a cute black dress having your hair done and a simple matching handbag...don't get me started on chain smoking and flicking the ash on the ground when there were ashtrays everywhere...  )

When we finally arrived home... well after 3am... Jeff thought it would be a good idea to have sex ...lol ... i was smashed, I didn't want to have sex, my body ached, i still had my makeup on when i climbed into bed, and on top of all that we still ended up having sex... I told him he had to do all the work since i was about to pass out... when it wasn't one thing it was the next, my legs hurt, then it felt like he was slamming into my cervix, then it felt like my legs were going to fall off so i said hows about i just blow you... ? no he wanted to tit fuck me... so i let him for a couple of minutes until i started drifting off to sleep. lol ..... i envy people who have the fun kind of energetic sex...   soon ! i hope.

Passion fruit

Retail therapy...

Soooo today im in another funky mood... it could change if someone desireable hit on me today

 I bought 3 pairs of shoes yesterday... Im going to buy me today that passport holder I have been looking at and maybe a bracelet or something. ...

on another note ... I am only trying to lose weight so I can dress sluttier, and but more stuff on sale.

Passion fruit... i swear i am getting shallower by the minute.

Mr. Sexy with Tats ... i'll call him SWAT cause he looks like he should be.

There is a very sexy man at my gym...he looks like someone a  romance / erotic novel should be written about. His body is built for licking chocolate sauce off of, his arms are the kind of arms to pick you up and pin you to the wall while getting a good had fucking, his legs... only to be worshiped with a tongue and fingernails... and God help me if i ever see him naked outside of my mind all covered in soap, with his tattoos glistening under fluorescent lights; i just might faint.
I saw him the other day, he walked right in front of me, made eye contact,and i almost fell off the treadmill. I know i must have looked ridiculous i may have even freaked him out because i couldn't get my eyes off his body. I don't know if men like for a woman to look at them with lust in their eyes but i know it was getting hot, i needed a cold drink.. and i know he could have quenched my thirst.
Now i don't know whats wrong with me; because as badly as i want to say hi to this guy, ask him if he is single, as him if he want to fuck my brains out, or ask him if he could train my fat self into sexy bikini body shape I'm too afraid. Where the hell has my confidence gone ???

Any ideas on what i should say to him if i ever get the nerve to speak to him ?

passion fruit...

Exit Mr. James

I blew him a kiss as i walked away from him, the rain had just stopped falling and I really didn't want to leave him, it took everything within me to pull myself away from his arms. Earlier i was interrupted while i was professing my love for him and i never got to finish telling him just how deeply i had felt for him; but then after being interrupted so many times and him talking non stop ... i told him i would just be his friend. I could see the devastation on his face, but there were so many unanswered questions and it seemed to me that he deliberately avoided answering those questions that i reminded him about maybe twice... and he still didn't answer so to me it was inevitable that i would have to push him away from me emotionally. I later sent him an email asking him where do we go now... no answer... its been radio silence for five days... Its understandable i guess when you have had your heart broken enough times you toughen up and fight the feelings lurking in the background.

Just before i walked away he told me he didn't want to let me go, and that his body was responding to my hands on his body. i said " well honey, you already know the moment i hear your voice my panties are soaked" as i saw myself walking away i could feel the tightness in my throat build up and the tears burning in my eyes. I had to remember what he looked like because this was the last time i would ever see him. thank god i wore makeup & did my hair.

passion fruit

BUSY SIGNAL -- TIGHTEST (FULL & PROPER) ***EXCLUSIVE*** 2009

Since im a whore & James is one too ... and im listening to music when i really should be productive, I remebered something he told me when he stuck his fingers in & found my g-spot ... My pussy is the tightest hes ever felt... hand wise... tighter than his japanese ex-girlfriend's ... in my neck of the woods its a compliment... so i told my best friend (shes a lesbian) and she offered up this song.



Passion Fruit .... tight tight tight... and NO ! I am not Jamaican.

round 6 ... i swear i am a hopeless romantic with a icy heart

So Mr James emailed me late last night .. saying he was sorry for over reacting and jumping to conclusions about me projecting what we had .. when it was all his fault like i had stated and he really wants to take it all back to the beginning so we can start out as friends ... but i must know that he always wanted more.    we're meeting for lunch at 2 at a cafe ... he doesn't want to say goodbye because my last email was so cold.        

real-lationships

Real talk ... James and I are done...  It is for the better... I'll probably see him one last time before he leaves. it was really an emotional roller coaster. One day were lovers, the next day were friends, then one day he wants to stick his dick in it , then the next day he's relieved he didn't... THIS IS JUST TOO FUCKING MUCH! i will post some of his emails the days i don't really feel like writing .

Anyway.... that's one of the updates today...

going to buy this really cute passport holder, not that I'm going anywhere but it will be nice to have something cute to put it in. i really need to buy myself some luggage, baggage for a girl who goes nowhere.

PF   ... feeling kinda blue today

James Morrison - You Give Me Something (New Version)

I am officially depressed ... and hearing this song makes it worse .. since misery loves company i am sharing it with yall .. ☺ plus who doesnt like wigs, corsets and orchestral music ?



PF

Time for common sense to kick in

Today started out very sleepy, i longed for my bed but instead i chose to go to the gym... why i dunno, but i saw the hot guy there again, i guess i may have creep ed him out by staring too much but if he looked in the mirror maybe he could see the sexy body i was looking at.

on another note Jeff is still away on business, James is not happy with me because I'm staying at Jeff's house while hes away, but he expects me to jump into his bed whenever he demands it on his schedule, as much as i like him and sometimes love him... i cant do that on a promise and an empty one too with nothing to really back it up other than sweet nothings kisses and i couldn't even say promises for the future.
Seriously ..! I'm supposed to leave my bf for someone who has girlfriends <- yes plural i knew this from the start and he knew about Jeff from the start. so i don't get why its bugging him, torture myself by moving back in with my mother so i could be closer to him ... i don't know how since hes leaving in a few days ? doesn't want to come back... fuck it ... i put my self out there i let him know when I'm available if he cant take me up on the offer then its too bad i don't control my schedule neither do i have the luxury of that .

then he shows up on messenger knowing that i was online since 4pm telling me he wished he got my message earlier cause he has the other chick over for dinner and studying and hes exhausted and blah blah blah then flips it around to me saying i was the one who isn't available etc.. this is too much

i love both of them but someone is going to get hurt.... probably me. I'm hurting already.

Passion fruit

Not Giving Up On Love - Sophie Ellis-Bextor Vs. Armin Van Buuren

It can be hard sometimes but i refuse to give up... Sophie looks gorgeous in this video

Feeling down

So I'm feeling a bit down today, wanted to emotional eat and ended up having cotton candy. What i really need to do i hit the gym hard or go running tomorrow to try to fill the void I'm feeling. I might color some hair tomorrow out of complete boredom.

Gonna start brushing up on french vocab again.

PF

Let's take a walk...

Last week was possibly the last time i would ever get to see James uninterrupted or unscheduled so i took him to the botanical gardens, I had only been there once as a child and he had never been there so it was a new experience for both of us. We walked around, his arm on my shoulder and mine around his hips; Yes that is how tall he is or how short i am. I love how he makes me feel like so small and tiny and he's just there to take care of things. I dunno .. its just how i feel when I'm with him like i just want to be wrapped up in his arms because they keep me safe and i feel safe in his arms.

During our walk we discussed our relationship...or whatever it is ... I call him my undercover lover, which he doesn't really like but i broke up with my boyfriend before to be with him and his mind was clearly on someone else, then when i got back with my boyfriend he wants me all to himself. .. I dunno ... i love him to pieces but he's doing an open relationship thing with some other chicks in France, new york, and only god knows where so i don't see me being number 1 in his life just yet, and then on top of that hes busy trying to be a doctor.
I had always thought i was going to be lonely for the rest of my life.. just a miserable spinster going to work and filling her time with charities etc..
NOW... Jeff - the boyfriend has returned from his business trip and will be gone again by tonight for another week ... is just super affectionate now. I guess maybe Ive been a bit cold but i think I'm just being with him the way he used to be with me. I gave him my all for 4 years and then i left him because i felt like it wasn't going anywhere, then all of a sudden he's like i was going to ask you to marry me after my divorce is final. 
I don't know if i want to marry him anymore, there's no spark, no butterflies, i don't have any libido with him. I just don't know.
So... I hope whomever is reading about my life is having a better day right now than how I'm feeling.

OMG !

I have a follower .. this is so awesome .. Its really weird to know that there is someone looking at my life and the drama i have right now. But its kinda cool at the same time.

☺ Hi !  > waves <

Passion Fruit

A baby story...

Just sat on the couch and flipped on the TV.. a baby story was on .. my uterus has collapsed ... I never really wanted kids till i had turned 27... and even more so now that i have met James. My boyfriend Jeff doesn't want anymore kids.. hes got 2 girls and they are both in university... we had the discussion about kids, but that was when i didn't want any ... now i want the mini mansion, the 2.5 kids the family dog and the amazing husband...so i can stay at home and be the amazing wife / home maker i know i can be.
I had never thought that i would have anybody interested in marrying me or wanting to be with me due to my past as a former adult entertainer, but who knows ? after meeting James who didn't care about it at all, i feel a whole lot better about my impending future as someones possible wife.

Purse Addict

Purse Addict

I had to post this, LOOK AT HER SHOES ! i think i may have gotten a little wet looking at them .. Sigh

PF

Have my damn cake & eat it too

I was having what started out to be a lovely day... i made  a chocolate cake, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, masturbated, went to see James... who drove me insane with kisses snuggles and touches. I never realised i like having my butt grabbed and touch so much; it sent waves of sensuality or plane ole feelings of I'm horny straight to my crotch. Came into work ... and Ive been here for a couple of hours and i am literally smashed to the point where i need a red bull. I don't understand why either ... i took some b-12's, b -complex & chlorella ... so i should be wide awake right ! ... oh well
I took a huge chunk of chocolate cake for James... lets just say he appreciated it. He took a bite, had a big smile and then kissed me deeply with a mouth full of cake. I cant even look at the cake anymore i get so horny thinking about that kiss. Take my breath away ... my nipples are hardening all because of cake!

James is the type of guy who makes me believe in romance, getting married, and having babies.

Passion fruit

i gained 5lbs ... wtf ?

I been working out, eating healthy, kicking my ass in the gym , and my damn scale says i gained 5lbs ... what the fuck ??? this is not very motivating! so i will post a picture of what i am trying to acheive with my body.

This is Laura Dore i love her figure and its what im trying to work towards in the gym...

Passion Fruit. 

Im going to have a milkshake, hopefully to bring all the boys to my yard. ☺

Rihanna - Only Girl (In The World)

I went to see him last night after work.... We spent all day on messenger writing back and forth talking about how much we missed each other , and how we could hardly wait for midnight. I could barely contain myself, I was anxious, nervous, excited, horny and literally shaking with anticipation. This man does so many things to my body that I don't understand, and I don't want to understand all I know is he makes me feel like the only girl in the world when I am with him, and that means so much.
He tells me I am beautiful so freely and effortlessly and repeatedly; when my boyfriend finds it hard to tell me I'm dressed nicely or my makeup looks nice.
When I got to his apt, the door was open and he reached out and grabbed me pulled me into his arms; there was a split second of fear and then those warm and familiar arms had me in their grip and I knew I was safe. OMG ... I love this man!

A few months ago while on my life changing "thing" on one of my walks; I was in between depression, desperation, loneliness, frustration, and anger; I asked God to send me a man, One who is kind , loving, affectionate, intelligent, tall, sexy, generous, believes in God, who would love me unconditionally, wanted children, didn't care about my past, didn't think I was fat, who could love me the way I am now and in the future as a better person, and strangely enough he sent this guy into my life who has made me feel so amazing in the short time I have known him...
I'm not usually the type of girl to feel insecure about approaching a man or even to feel like a man is out of my league, but him! he is a different story I feel like I don't even deserve his attention, love or affection. He is so kind, loving, attentive, so good looking, humble, and such a great person. He makes me want to be the best i can be for him and right now I feel like I'm not measuring up, but I am trying my best and that is all I can do.

Passion Fruit

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream

Mr. James is back ! .... How is it that the memory of a person floods so much emotion into a person that they make it hard for the person who is thinking about them to funtion normally ? I get butterflies in my stomach when i think about him, I have been so horny since I spoke to him last, but I dont think we will ever go all the way at least not in this lifetime. With him everything is different, time fades and emotions take over. I have never experienced feelings like these for anyone until now. i lose myself and find myself in his arms and somehow all the bullshit that life hands me doesnt matter anymore. I swear this man ... OOOOH ! I don't have words to describe the feelings he pulls from me. There is so much I want to do with him, to him, so much I miss about him when I'm not with him. This Man !

PKB Visions

PKB Visions

Just a quick look through their blog makes me feel depressed about my own sad little existance ... I almost cant wait to get of from work so i can be alone in the quiet confines of my car, just so the darkness and lonliness can wrap me up into the familiar.

I hate love songs...

I hate love songs. I guess you want to know why i hate love songs so much; well because love hurts. The minute I feel as though things could be perfect reality sets in, and i get jolted back to the knowledge that this feeling never lasts long, and i always do something to mess it up. That butterflies in the stomach feeling, the wave of warmth that washes over you when you get hugged by that special person; I know it all too well. I love it yet hate it because for me it never lasts long.

For me love is painful... i must like pain i keep going back looking for more.

Passion Fruit

Stalker types... & just creepy guys

There is this guy at my job; he takes out the trash, and does some tidying up, he is so creepy it makes my stomach turn. This is how it all started; I had decided after my birthday that I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be a better person. I dont know why I thought that being nicer to people, and smiling at them would work in my favor; but it sure as hell didn't because now this guy thought I was flirting with him.  He was new to the company; and since he cleans my office every other day, I thought it would be nice to be nice to the person that takes out my trash. Unfortunately my saying hello how is your day going ? and other random small talk stuff made this guy comfotrable enough to ask me if I had a boyfriend. WHAT THE FUCK !!!, was my immediate reaction; in my head of course, I'm not so cruel a person to say that to someones face, at least I dont think I am, but I do think I look hot enough for someone to realise I am not in their league.
Needless to say his approach made me realise; I need to create boundaries and keep those boundaries because if this riff raff was thinking my game wasnt that fly and he could get a chance, then I need to fix some things. I joined the gym, its going well i guess. I have more energy and clothes are fitting differently. My waist is getting smaller and i think my butt is getting more lifted; all i know is it looks hella nice in the mirror when I make an attempt at shaking it.... but thats a whole other topic for another day.

On to the next one,

Passion Fruit

Kelly Rowland - Motivation (Explicit) ft. Lil Wayne

I love this song ! Every time i hear it i think of James... and all the bad things i want to do to him. I do think the video could have been a bit more explicit; more bump and grind, more sweat & wet, some slip and slide, and perhaps a little poledancing & i love pole dancing.

Mr. James

So... recently I met this wonderful person who has helped me to see the good in myself, he has been a motivating factor in my life, and a pillar of strength when I needed it most; I'll call him James. James is this drop dead gorgeous middle eastern young gentleman whose parents can only be very proud of him, he is a towering 6'8, tall dark & handsome oh so sexy intelligent man with gifted hands. James and I have alot in common mentally; we think alike in most instances, and we both have addictive personalities which unfortunately has made us both addicted to eachother.
I met James through a website; he had originally contacted me and then I responded and we met up under the premise that were were going to be friends that have this website and various things in common.

He told me he would be the brown man in the polo shirt & I said I would be the the woman with the extremely large breasts sipping on a fruity drink. On my way to meet him I had a wardrobe malfunction: I stepped on a rock, almost twisted my ankle, and tore the sole on my ballet flats; so I did what any normal woman would do: I panicked and went to go buy new shoes. Half running, half limping, sweating my makeup off... in this adrenaline crazed rush to get new shoes and to be on time for my meeting date type thing... I saw him and walked right by him hoping he wouldnt notice me. He was brown alright, but he didnt say he was so sexy; too bad I didnt have the balls to meet him without a new pair of shoes which I hastily bought, and then ran back to meet him.
I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest as I walked toward him. I knew everyone else at the bar exept him, so he had to be the guy i spotted on my way to buy shoes; So I flashed my biggest: i cant beleive you are this sexy, but i am so shy and nervous smile, and said " hey, im so sorry i am late; i had a wardrobe malfunction." and hugged him. I knew right then and there that there was something special about him.
Did we ever hit it off ! ... I still can't beleive I talked that much with a person to the point where I didn't know what time it was, nor did I care, nor did I want to stop talking. He asked me if I wanted to have dinner there with him... but I couldnt; at least not there in the open like that it would leave me exposed to anyone who happened to pass to say; " OMG!!! I saw Passion Fruit  at such and such having dinner with this guy." Why should i care ? well because I have a boyfriend; who just so happened to be away on business at the time and was returning the next day. Cue the dramatic ♪music ♫... needless to say; I told James we could go somewhere more private for dinner. We didnt get to have dinner until 10pm because i took him for a ride in my car. I put him in the back seat so he couldnt be seen; and he promptly started touching my arms, my waist, my shoulders, anywhere he could feel me i guess; it was crazy electric feeling his warm hands on my skin, something I wasn't used to at all. I knew i had to pull off the road before he made me crash; because I kept wanting to close my eyes. I finally decided it was best to go to the beach; my santuary, the only place i ever feel comfortable & relaxed, especially when my body started to betray me like it was doing with him. I wanted to feel his arms around me so bad, because he told me about these great hugs he gave. Needless to say I made it to the beach in record time, jumped out of the car and asked for my hug. It was magical !

Introduction

Hi,

My name is Passion Fruit, I am a passionate fruit. I have been told i am crazy, but i consider myself to be bipolar self diagnosed of course. My hobbies include gardening, cooking, baking, shopping, watching youtube videos, sailing, snorkeling, crafting, sitting on the internet wasting time, and decorating.
The purpose of this blog is to write down my feelings, thoughts, desires, goals, and anything that comes to my mind or strikes my fancy. I am not much of a writer so don't expect anything novel worthy, perfect puntuation or grammar. 
I have been living my life one week at a time and have recently discovered that i am now in my late 20's with little to show for it, so hopefully i will be back here to give updates on how its going so you can offer advice, insight, or just have something interesting or not to read.