dreams .. weird stuff

I had a dream 2 days ago, i was kissing the hot guy from the gym... I don't even know this guy's name but he's in my dreams.

I dreamt about him again this morning; I was in a hot tub with a group of Asian young ladies one in particular had some kind of weird body piercing on her chest and i went to look at it, but found myself fascinated with her little brown nipple instead. the some elderly white lady tourist woman comes up to me asking me to adjust her strap so i assist her with it , and another lady asks me to give her a curly perm and my response to her is but you are in the damn hot tub .. how is that gonna work? So i leave the hot tub and run into SWAT and we get to talking and he's pulling me close about to kiss me and i realise i have chewing gum in my mouth.. and coconut ... for some weird reason my mouth feels weird and dry so i pull away from him and run to the bathroom and proceed to spit chewing gum and all kids of weird stuff out of my mouth and its like it never ends... i wake up chewing on my tongue.

Maybe i will have the courage to say hello to him on Monday ? who knows ...

Hurricane Irene

Since i am in the islands .. i wont be postin until internet is back up and running.. Hurricane Irene is coming. i had plans to be quite the whore this week but they have been put on hold ... so until later or when the internet comes back up ... ♥♥♥

Jeff is gone again ... rambling on

I must say i'm releived sort of... now I have time to do all the working out i want to do while he's gone and veg, and watch tv, and sleep .. etc... I have been thinking about our relationship lately. I pretty much stay with him because i would rather not live with my mother or my sister and her husband, and he does make my life easier though he really isnt the most supportive or world's most amazing boyfriend. I love him because i have grown to love him but im not in love with him. Being in love is such a wonderful feeling, being in love with someone who is inlove with you is an even more wonderful feeling. i may have felt that once or twice... but the situation has never been right, there was always a reason why we couldnt be together....

Fish-- its so calming ...

Fish: "Add a touch of nature to your page with these hungry little fish. Watch them as they follow your mouse hoping you will feed them by clicking the surface of the water." <object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" style="outline:none;"

nothing really important going on...

I am just really, super, horny... I don't even know what to do with myself ... I have been tempted to hit on the sexy guy at the gym ... only because I am horny. I am sick of mastubating, sick of working out to get past the feelings.

ergh ... on top of that i want ice cream ... so i will have it because if i cant have sex at least i get to have ice cream... !

I must be growing up...

Today while skimming through a customer service group on Facebook, I saw someone I might know in the people you might know column; we will call her Jenny*.  Being the nosey person that I am, I clicked onto her facebook page to see if she had left her pics open, there were only a few open and I checked them out. The pics were of her & her husband we will call him Wilson* and their baby girl.
Wilson and I used to date; the story he told me was that he and Jenny had broken up because she had a miscarriage and couldnt cope with the loss. The gossip surrounding her misscarriage was that she had an abortion because she was fucking a black guy on the side and had gotten pregnant but didn't know who her baby's daddy was and she didnt want to risk losing Wilson if her baby was born black & not mixed race, either way she was upset about not having the baby. Sooooo while I was supposed to be be dating Wilson she saw us out together and I guess came to her senses and decided she wanted him back. i don't know why ? i'll never know why ...but anyway my birthday was coming up and Wilson had asked me what it was I wanted, and I told him I wanted a mercedes and he agreed to buy me one for my birthday and told me to look for one, so I did. Things were going well enough with the relationship, or so I thought he being a busy expat exec and me being the cute black girl working shifts, then he says he going on a business trip, which is fine for his job. while he's away I left him cute voice mails saying how I missed him and couldnt wait for him to be back blah blah blah.  i will never ever do that shit again... even if i miss a guy i wouldnt its just stupid and they dont appreciate it. While he is supposed to be away on business my sister and cousin decide we are going to go out for cocktails at the square... who should we see Wilson & Jenny all lovey dovey snatched up together, his best friend, and his neighbours who all know I was sleeping with him days before he was supposed to be away on business. The rage from the deepest pits of hell couldnt match how I felt, and I spat curse words at all of them for being so deceptive, especially Wilson & his now very proud housewife Jenny who was all upset and tried to fight me. I begged that bitch to throw the first blow... that bitch didnt have the balls and still doesn't. The people who work at the bar where all this drama happened still remember that epic almost fight.

I hated him for years afterward, I got really depressed and buried myself into my work.  I hated her even more because I wanted that damn mercedes I had picked out for my birthday, and i wanted that fantasy lifestyle and i felt as thought i had it until she came back on the scene. What made things so bad was I actually had feelings for this guy and he lied to me while I was thinking it might have worked. But it didnt so oh well. Needless to say it seems as though they are very happy with eachother and their new baby from the pictures they left open. Funny how I dont have the hatred for the two them that I had 6 years ago.This must be what it's like to mature... I must be growing up.

Jeff is away on business...

Going out with the girls tonight... I'm so excited we're going to a roof top bar for a concert. I hope Mr. Sexy body SWAT is there by himself... or who knows....

Passion Fruit

I'm a bad little girl ...

SWAT sighting ... instantly soaking wet

Oh my heart .. poor thing I almost had a heart attack.. I went to have lunch ... and I saw HIM !!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ! I got goosebumps, and my pussy is throbbing .... he is soooooo SEXAAAAAAAAAAAY ....  I lost my appetite , left a generous tip and ran to tell my bestie.

 

Is this a sign ...?  should I really just hand him my pussy on a platter ?... when I see him all I want to do is fuck.. or sit on his face...or lick him from head to toe. he has a body to worship... right now all I wanna do is kneel down to pray.  

 

there is a big concert tomorrow night ... I hope he is there so I could have some liquid courage to go throw myself at him.

Euro Vacay James sent me a just checking in email..

here is the last paragraph: ...  I still care about you as someone I shared a very special period of my life with, who helped me grow and made me feel better about myself.  If I don't hear from you, I will respect that you have moved on and for your own reasons do not wish to maintain contact with me.  Otherwise, I hope to hear just that you are doing well and living your life for you.  You have so much to offer, and if I helped you believe in yourself even a tiny bit more, then I will be happy that I could help such a sweet and genuine lady as yourself.

Yours truely.

James.

Now .. wtf ? I'm speachless on this one ...

Passion fruit...

Apparently i am someone's motivation ☺...

 To be honest I was already having a crappy day from 5:30am, i dream that i was dreaming and then my alarm went off in my dream, I woke myself up out of my dream listened for a bit, no alarm, look at my phone.. it was exactly 5:30... then Jeff wakes up because i wake up rolls out of bed to go have a piss, makes man noises and comes back to bed grumbling that now would be a good time to have sex. By now i have my panties and sports bra on and I'm thinking this man cannot be serious, and I'm also thinking .. i don't wanna have sex right now... I'm gonna get all slimy and i don't really want to shower before going to the gym.. needless to say i turned him down got my clothes on and went to the gym... HOT SWAT showed up after 7am... almost gave me a heart attack... i was like this --> <---- close to talking to him today but right when i would have gone over to ask him about increasing my upper body strength right in the middle of my leg workout on the seated squat machine this guy comes up to me gushing about what a motivation i am to his girlfriend, and how i need to crank it to the next level instead of cruising on the treadmill... WTF DUDE ! ... first of all i cruise on the treadmill so i don't have a heart attack or heart failure, second: while I'm flattered that he and she see me in the gym everyday technically i am only there for my own sanity, to keep my sex drive primed since if i don't go to the gym i will become a porn watching masturbating couch potato who lives at home with her mother... and thirdly: my main motivation is to watch the hot guy work out and silently perv on him...hehehe OH! he's so sexy... i might have to have some liquid courage to tell him i think hes sexy... or locate my balls, which I'm sure are somewhere deep up my ass... That's just my morning before 8am... When i get home Jeff isn't up yet, so i go looking for him and hes still in bed and I'm like: OK are we gonna have sex now? ( just so i can get it out of the way and i don't have to hear how hes going on his business trip and i didn't fuck him before he left and blah blah blah, to cut out all the dramatics  he waited a whole hour before he decided on if he wanted have sex or not, i guess he wanted me to turn him on or something.)  I'm sure you guys can sense my enthusiasm for this ... i don't even know how to put it nicely... he doesn't turn me on! he wants me to go to the gym because i am getting to the size he doesn't find attractive, then he wants to have sex, when i do go to the gym and I'm too fucking tired to have sex he gets all mad and upset, he doesn't entertain me, but will get upset because i use the Internet to entertain my self, i hate his friends, and love mine... were whores everyone knows it but at least we aren't in denial.

Am i with him purely out of convenience ? its possible, maybe i should tell him get back with his ex, hook me up with a nice guy who can appreciate my quirkiness and who doesn't demand sex more than once a day unless hes super hot! and we will both be very happy.  I cant wait till he leaves on his trip so i can have some peace and quiet, buy myself a new vibrator or 2 and have a good session of self loving. its bad that i wont miss him while hes gone but its like having a child, a big man baby that you should have aborted a long time ago.

Sorry this was so long i just needed to get all of that off my chest. 

Passion Fruit.  

I've lost my balls...

What is it with me these days that has me all sad and quiet... withdrawing into my mind for personal avoidance? Its like my self esteem has plummeted, on the plus side I lost 3lbs. Back to my original point... I don't know what's wrong with me... my personal goal this week was to say hello or hi to the sexy man at the gym, what did I do instead ? clam up, withdraw, look at him with lust n my eyes, look at him directly in the eyes and do nothing... what the fuck is wrong with me ? what happened to the ballsy, don't have a care in the world, no man is out of my league girl that I used to be, or who I thought I was... maybe this whole I need to lose 50 lbs... and not being comfortable in my own skin is getting to my mind... how is that possible for him to be looking at me, me to be looking back directly in his eyes; which by the way I don't even know what color they are... keep in mind I have fantasized about this man in various sexual positions... dreamt of licking him from head to toe, and have secretly worshiped his body from the safety of my treadmill at the gym... yet I cant say hello.  I think I have a panic attack every time I think about saying hello, maybe I should just wave instead... but the thought of that scares me too. How the hell am I going to rediscover the sexy woman I once was if I keep second guessing myself ?

The grey pube..

I have discovered I have a grey pubic hair ... am I even old enough to have  greying pubes ? ... This is so weird on so many levels... im only 27.

Should I leave it or pluck it ?

Passion fruit.

Twiddle dee & Twiddle dum .. my new gym stalkers

... I now have two big, thick, buff black guys trying to get my attention at the gym. I  refer to them as twiddle Dee and twiddle dumb... SO ANNOYING !...

I'm doing my walk run jog thing on the treadmill and these two motherfuckers are waving like they are trying to signal a plane, clapping loudly trying to get me to look directly at them.... all I do is fiddle with my I-pod and turn the music up as loud as it can go, stare at the TV and ignore them because I can see them in my peripheral vision making a scene to attract my attention, then when they are leaving the gym they walk right in front of my treadmill so I must see them and wave with big stupid smiles on their faces...wtf??? really???  HOW PATHETIC !... my best friend seems to think I should just humiliate them the next time they do it and let them know i have no interest in dating/befriending/sleeping with and or fucking any black men in this lifetime.

Almost makes me happy I haven't said hello or waved to Mr SWAT who's body I have been lusting after; I swear that man could have me wrapped around his pinkie finger >insert evil smile< if he so wanted... I pulled out my bullet the other day after I saw him in the gym working on his hamstrings... the sight of that man gets me so wet, i just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue. 


Haven't had sex since last week...

PF