progress at the gym...

So i have been hitting the gym extra hard these past couple weeks, I'm getting smaller i think .. i don't know i need a measuring tape, and a scale, my pants are all getting bigger so it must mean something.. my boobs don't seem to be shrinking but that's fine .. as long as my thighs start to shrink and my butt lifts .. I'm happy i want to look fucking ridiculously awesome in a bikini come swimsuit season. Like i want to look sexy but damn i didn't know her body was that good sexy...

So far i have lost 20lbs for 2011 ☺ i still have more work to do. but its a start.

BTW... the hot guy at the gym is back but he works out at weird times ... he's still sexy, I'm just not that into him now that i got laid. I guess that's a good thing.

Passion Fruit

I'm a damn chicken!

I swear I don't know whats wrong with me ! ... this morning at the gym; the sexy man said good morning to me and held the door open for me, and I chickened out. There is something about this man that takes my breath away, makes my stomach flip, and my heart race. I want to tell him, but most days I cant seem to force myself to say anything to him because I feel stupid, and giddy and when looking into his eyes it feels like he is pulling my soul away from my body and exposing the me within. Only because I am dying to know if he has a wife or not... if he doesn't its on ... I really want to catch him alone in the parking lot up against his car so I can fondle him and feel him up... while staring deeply into his eyes. 

Hopefully the universe is sending token lesbian away so i can get the job done.

Passion Fruit

blah .. is how i'm feeling .

My mood is all over the place ... I've got gym in the morning.. and all this unspoken sexual tension is driving me crazy.  I need a good run to clear my head. I also need to grab a paper tomorrow and seriously look for a car... this no transportation thing is getting on my nerves & I need a car before token lesbian leaves.
Tomorrow I am just going to pretend the sexy man doesn't exist.... I am going to ignore my feelings because they only cause me heartache... I wish it could be more... but I cant put my self out there anymore. I feel so much sadness & pain & I really don't understand where its all coming from but I think its best I pull a hoodie out .. plug in my headphones and just zone out like I should have been doing for the past few months.

Passion fruit

sad...

hmm ...

So !  The sexy man was at the gym again this morning... and of course I get eyeballed in the parking lot, ignored when he walks into the gym. I'm doing my walk on the treadmill cause I'm wearing my slutty bra cant have my twins bouncing for everyone to see... but they did look full and round and inviting. so fast forward through my workout we (the girls ms. bestie & token lesbian) giggle our way through the entire workout in between sighs, and gasps, and thanks to God for making such a sexy body. Then  he asks token lesbian if she is using the machine .. to which I am 2 machines over ... he bends over in front of me to pull the pin out of the weight stack and looks at me between his legs .... and of course I'm sitting on my machine mouth open eyes all over his ass and we make eye contact again... I think he is fucking with me ... needless to say there is some serious sexual tension going on ... He has a really nice butt by the way !

Passion fruit

horny ...  

I spoke to him again

Let me start with ... OMG !!!! He has the most gorgeous grey eyes I have ever seen. I could feel myself getting horny just staring into his eyes as he spoke to me never breaking eye contact, and I barely heard a word he said. I asked him: "What's the difference between wearing straps versus wearing gloves for lifting." He is well spoken, and educated, can form sentences in perfect paragraph form, doesn't use "ah" or "um" he just got even sexier after that... so now I have to ask him his name and if he is single.

Today at the gym I totally embarrassed myself; I had jumped out of the car got completely flustered, saw him in all of his sexiness, threw my keys over my shoulder, started to untangle my headphones while walking in and listening to his almost quiet footsteps behind me, went to swipe my card to get in and I panic for a split second thinking "FUCK !!! I locked the keys in the car again" only to spin around and feel the weight of my keys on my shoulder, so I grab them swipe in and he's giggling behind me. Could the floor open up and swallow me ? I was way too embarrassed to chit chat with him today after that & I felt really fat and unshapely and all around not sexy so I hid on the treadmill the whole time he was at the gym. However his friend (we will call him Mr. Friendly) who is also gorgeous with a great body waved hello & came bounding up to ask me if a hurricane was headed our way... Too bad I couldn't tell him I was too busy staring at the sexy man (SWAT) instead of watching a hurricane advisory..lol. I'm so stupid though, I should have asked his friend if he was married.

Passion fruit

p.s. feeling a little better now that i have some makeup, and some figure flattering clothes on

... I'm terrified of rejection

I have the gym in the morning ... I'm kind of excited and kind of nervous... because of how I sped out of the parking lot last Thursday ...I'm such a spaz ... I'm so socially awkward its ridiculous and unecessary, and apparently the trifling hoe that was trying to get with Jeff at the fundraiser .. is also trying to hit on the hot guy at the gym too ... WTF!
I'm feeling weird about that because I am just selfish...
I think I should ask him his name tomorrow, or walk up to him and tell him how I really feel or just ask him if he has a wife ...

The stupid part is I feel like a bored unhappy house wife cause I'm so fixated on this guy .. who has only smiled and eyeballed me for the past couple months and only just recently spoken to me. He is gorgeous though. I am nervous about working out tomorrow ...  cause all I do is run away because of my fear of rejection.

I finally spoke to him ..

Soooo I went to gym this morning, like i do every morning except sat & sun... getting my fitness on, enjoying the burn, feeling good, dressed like a bum! I was wearing an over sized dive t-shirt, gym pants and my head scarf looking very unshapely and bum like.
 Then my best friend says " hey Passion, come here & help me with this" and points to the other side of the gym,and there he was in all his sexiness arms holding on to the lat pull down machine looking like a underwear model.
 I had a heart attack and an orgasm all at once ... needless to say that was the end of my workout. My meddling bestie who thought today was a good day for me to get kicked into the deep end decided she wanted to go workout on that side of the gym & pushed me to ask SWAT for his assistance with a machine that was too hard to adjust... panties soaking wet ... he was happy to help and seemed to jump for the opportunity... God ! I must sound like a creepy stalker ... but he was 6 inches away from my face and I wanted to lick him and taste his salty golden skin... needless to say i was extremely pissed with my bestie as she kept looking at me like the cat who ate the canary & drank the milk too, and of course i kept telling her she wasn't my best friend anymore.  OMG!!! I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I'm a dominant woman and i have never ever had any submissive inclinations or felt what i feel for someone who just until today only spoke a few words " excuse me, can you help us with this?" & "Thank you for helping" ... to which he replied with the most dazzling smile " No problem, Anytime!" ... needless to say by then i had soaked through my panties and could feel the moisture on my thighs as i floated out of the gym with ms. bestie.  So like women we stood in the parking lot discussing how surreal it was for her to witness the stare downs and eye raping, i pointed out his car and we were discussing him quite loudly and didn't realise he had walked out of the gym... to which i quickly said to ms. bestie "I gotta go" jumped in the minivan and hauled ass out of there like i was the driver for a get away car.
Fast forward to me getting home, and Jeff is still sleeping its after 9:30am ...I'm horny as a mofo... go to the bathroom sit on the toilet look out the window .... and see SWAT driving by... he turns around at the corner and speeds back in the direction he came. WTF ??? OMG !!! ... ever so slightly turned on ... no i lie ... i am way turned on by that.  

My pick up lines ...

Hi, i love your hair... one of these days I'd love to see it buried in my crotch. ( guy is bald with goatee )
How would your wife feel if she knew i undressed you with my eyes every day at the gym ?
I cant get enough of you grunting behind me.... while i work out my inner thighs.
While you were looking did you see my nipples harden ?
What's your name ?... so i can name my vibrator after you!

Passion Fruit...
I'm so very horny ...

I got my birthday wish ☺

So i had wished & prayed & wished & prayed to see the hot guy at the gym on my birthday... HE WAS SOOOOOOOOO SEXY ! I'm still to shy to talk to him, but i did make myself look available by taking my headphones off and tossing them on the floor. we both kept stealing looks in the mirrors at each other but this one chic who i don't particularly like was like she was either cock blocking or just being nosey, she was working out in the weight room with us but just an annoyance. I might have said hello if it were just me and him. OMG he is sooooooo sexy I couldn't concentrate on my workout. Hearing him breathing behind me was too much for my horny little body... so i got up and went to the ladies room where i cooled myself down with some cold water ... Its so bad i dreamt about him again last night he was leaning in to whisper something or kiss I'm not sure but before he could speak i woke up. Horny as a motherfucker with Jeff snoring right next to me, i tossed and turned for 2 hours hoping the feelings would subside, they never did but i did eventually fall asleep.

I want to touch this man, explore his body, figure him out, I don't know why i am drawn to him but its like i need him.

i think i might...

Leave him a note..... or just be a complete whore and bend over in front of him... while drinking from the water fountain of course... making eye contact and doing dirty things with my tongue in the water.... (that sounds like a scene from a bad porno flick)  hahaha ... that would be too funny, especially in a gym full of people... but on a serious note I got some looks while doing dead lifts in the gym... not by him but by onlookers ....

What makes this man so appealing ?

1. His body: he's not too bulky or too skinny .... and I can almost imagine how it would feel to be pinned underneath it ... and I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue.
2. He's bald with a goatee ... there is a special place in my heart for hot bodied men with goatees ... even better if I can imagine him naked or just standing suggestively with a towel barely covering the good bits...
3. He's Dominant ... I can tell .. I can just tell ... oh so very Alpha male the way he walks into a room with a certain swagger in his step that makes me want him to take control... I've never come across a man that does this to me.... so very intriguing.  Usually  I am always in control. And if he isn't dominant ...OH MY! the fun I could have with that...
4. The sight of him makes my panties soaking wet... he must be excellent eye candy ... I wonder how big he is... I want a bite!

Its a pure physical attraction ...  What is a girl to do ?

Apparently i am someone's motivation ☺...

 To be honest I was already having a crappy day from 5:30am, i dream that i was dreaming and then my alarm went off in my dream, I woke myself up out of my dream listened for a bit, no alarm, look at my phone.. it was exactly 5:30... then Jeff wakes up because i wake up rolls out of bed to go have a piss, makes man noises and comes back to bed grumbling that now would be a good time to have sex. By now i have my panties and sports bra on and I'm thinking this man cannot be serious, and I'm also thinking .. i don't wanna have sex right now... I'm gonna get all slimy and i don't really want to shower before going to the gym.. needless to say i turned him down got my clothes on and went to the gym... HOT SWAT showed up after 7am... almost gave me a heart attack... i was like this --> <---- close to talking to him today but right when i would have gone over to ask him about increasing my upper body strength right in the middle of my leg workout on the seated squat machine this guy comes up to me gushing about what a motivation i am to his girlfriend, and how i need to crank it to the next level instead of cruising on the treadmill... WTF DUDE ! ... first of all i cruise on the treadmill so i don't have a heart attack or heart failure, second: while I'm flattered that he and she see me in the gym everyday technically i am only there for my own sanity, to keep my sex drive primed since if i don't go to the gym i will become a porn watching masturbating couch potato who lives at home with her mother... and thirdly: my main motivation is to watch the hot guy work out and silently perv on him...hehehe OH! he's so sexy... i might have to have some liquid courage to tell him i think hes sexy... or locate my balls, which I'm sure are somewhere deep up my ass... That's just my morning before 8am... When i get home Jeff isn't up yet, so i go looking for him and hes still in bed and I'm like: OK are we gonna have sex now? ( just so i can get it out of the way and i don't have to hear how hes going on his business trip and i didn't fuck him before he left and blah blah blah, to cut out all the dramatics  he waited a whole hour before he decided on if he wanted have sex or not, i guess he wanted me to turn him on or something.)  I'm sure you guys can sense my enthusiasm for this ... i don't even know how to put it nicely... he doesn't turn me on! he wants me to go to the gym because i am getting to the size he doesn't find attractive, then he wants to have sex, when i do go to the gym and I'm too fucking tired to have sex he gets all mad and upset, he doesn't entertain me, but will get upset because i use the Internet to entertain my self, i hate his friends, and love mine... were whores everyone knows it but at least we aren't in denial.

Am i with him purely out of convenience ? its possible, maybe i should tell him get back with his ex, hook me up with a nice guy who can appreciate my quirkiness and who doesn't demand sex more than once a day unless hes super hot! and we will both be very happy.  I cant wait till he leaves on his trip so i can have some peace and quiet, buy myself a new vibrator or 2 and have a good session of self loving. its bad that i wont miss him while hes gone but its like having a child, a big man baby that you should have aborted a long time ago.

Sorry this was so long i just needed to get all of that off my chest. 

Passion Fruit.  

Twiddle dee & Twiddle dum .. my new gym stalkers

... I now have two big, thick, buff black guys trying to get my attention at the gym. I  refer to them as twiddle Dee and twiddle dumb... SO ANNOYING !...

I'm doing my walk run jog thing on the treadmill and these two motherfuckers are waving like they are trying to signal a plane, clapping loudly trying to get me to look directly at them.... all I do is fiddle with my I-pod and turn the music up as loud as it can go, stare at the TV and ignore them because I can see them in my peripheral vision making a scene to attract my attention, then when they are leaving the gym they walk right in front of my treadmill so I must see them and wave with big stupid smiles on their faces...wtf??? really???  HOW PATHETIC !... my best friend seems to think I should just humiliate them the next time they do it and let them know i have no interest in dating/befriending/sleeping with and or fucking any black men in this lifetime.

Almost makes me happy I haven't said hello or waved to Mr SWAT who's body I have been lusting after; I swear that man could have me wrapped around his pinkie finger >insert evil smile< if he so wanted... I pulled out my bullet the other day after I saw him in the gym working on his hamstrings... the sight of that man gets me so wet, i just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue. 


Haven't had sex since last week...

PF

Mr. Sexy with Tats ... i'll call him SWAT cause he looks like he should be.

There is a very sexy man at my gym...he looks like someone a  romance / erotic novel should be written about. His body is built for licking chocolate sauce off of, his arms are the kind of arms to pick you up and pin you to the wall while getting a good had fucking, his legs... only to be worshiped with a tongue and fingernails... and God help me if i ever see him naked outside of my mind all covered in soap, with his tattoos glistening under fluorescent lights; i just might faint.
I saw him the other day, he walked right in front of me, made eye contact,and i almost fell off the treadmill. I know i must have looked ridiculous i may have even freaked him out because i couldn't get my eyes off his body. I don't know if men like for a woman to look at them with lust in their eyes but i know it was getting hot, i needed a cold drink.. and i know he could have quenched my thirst.
Now i don't know whats wrong with me; because as badly as i want to say hi to this guy, ask him if he is single, as him if he want to fuck my brains out, or ask him if he could train my fat self into sexy bikini body shape I'm too afraid. Where the hell has my confidence gone ???

Any ideas on what i should say to him if i ever get the nerve to speak to him ?

passion fruit...

Feeling down

So I'm feeling a bit down today, wanted to emotional eat and ended up having cotton candy. What i really need to do i hit the gym hard or go running tomorrow to try to fill the void I'm feeling. I might color some hair tomorrow out of complete boredom.

Gonna start brushing up on french vocab again.

PF

i gained 5lbs ... wtf ?

I been working out, eating healthy, kicking my ass in the gym , and my damn scale says i gained 5lbs ... what the fuck ??? this is not very motivating! so i will post a picture of what i am trying to acheive with my body.

This is Laura Dore i love her figure and its what im trying to work towards in the gym...

Passion Fruit. 

Im going to have a milkshake, hopefully to bring all the boys to my yard. ☺