sexy L

i remember the first time i saw him... he was so golden .. he was wearing jeans, a dress shirt, and a maroon velvet jacket... i was sitting in the corner of a coffee shop feeling sorry for myself ... attempting to drown my self pity in the caffeine . i glanced up and he was so beautiful he made my heart stop beating, and i stopped breathing and for a split second... our eyes met.. and i burned my tongue on my coffee.

bbg...we meet again

Sigh ... him and his cock... Just plain trouble.  so i went to a birthday party a couple weeks ago.. a nice guy i had friend zoned invited me omg it was a fucking disaster... it rained off and on the birthday girl got wasted and kept announcing that she wanted to leave the restuarant and go somewhere else...needless to say since we all arrived in seperate cars i ditched the entire dinner party and went to sexy l's club .. where i proceeded to drink all alone.. got hit on by some weird looking creeper serial killer look alike then some house wife woma hit on me... then the cutest little canadian guy shows up arm covered in tattoos . lets cut to the chase .... he wore jeans ... just regular blue jeans ... oh they looked so sexy on him and i could see the outline of his semi hard cock in them and it looked like heaven.. so i pretended like i didnt see him all night until he approached me and said hello cheek kiss .. how ya doing, nice to see you, who you out with etc... and as usual im out by myself, doing good blah blah blah... ... maybe next time i see him i'll whisper something dirty in his ear to see if he could hide the erection...

anyway .. i got bored around midnight and left the club and hung out outside with the bouncers drinking water .. and staying out of the rain when bbg walks out of the club and i yell his name and order him to walk me to my car. he seemed happy enough to do so, he even held my pink umbrella for me... lol chivalry in the name of getting laid .. so i drive him to the beach .. and we proceed to fuck in the car

finding that inner peace

I realised something ... Ive been running away from myself, running away from my past running away from who i really am ... trying to change who i am and what i have become. I don't know why i have been doing this and i don't know who the hell i am trying to please either but i haven't been happy not for a while I'm fixing that. last night i went out got completely wasted don't know how the hell i got home ..but i realised something i wasn't horny, or feeling lonely, or feeling needy or any of that i think i might have healed myself in some weird self destructive behavior.