Under the weather

Hi my little muffins,

I have the flu... though i had the energy for 2 days in a row to go to the gym only to ogle the hot guy... i didnt have the energy today... I felt like a truck ran over me at 3am ... when i woke myself up... then again at 4... when i finally realised my alarm would go off ... i turned it off so i could sleep ... i sleept like a baby till 9:39am ... felt good ...  but woke up with my abs hurting like a mofo ... this is day number 3 of fever so i might aswell go to the dr in the morning to have myself looked at.

anyway ... monday if im feeling better, i'll have to look forward to see the sexy guy in all of his hotness and perhaps i will have found my balls to ask him if i know him from porn, or if he is a male stripper. lol

at least i havent sneezed out my sense of humour...

Passion Fruit.

I got my birthday wish ☺

So i had wished & prayed & wished & prayed to see the hot guy at the gym on my birthday... HE WAS SOOOOOOOOO SEXY ! I'm still to shy to talk to him, but i did make myself look available by taking my headphones off and tossing them on the floor. we both kept stealing looks in the mirrors at each other but this one chic who i don't particularly like was like she was either cock blocking or just being nosey, she was working out in the weight room with us but just an annoyance. I might have said hello if it were just me and him. OMG he is sooooooo sexy I couldn't concentrate on my workout. Hearing him breathing behind me was too much for my horny little body... so i got up and went to the ladies room where i cooled myself down with some cold water ... Its so bad i dreamt about him again last night he was leaning in to whisper something or kiss I'm not sure but before he could speak i woke up. Horny as a motherfucker with Jeff snoring right next to me, i tossed and turned for 2 hours hoping the feelings would subside, they never did but i did eventually fall asleep.

I want to touch this man, explore his body, figure him out, I don't know why i am drawn to him but its like i need him.

Today's redeeming factor...

Saw the hot guy at the gym ... his friend kept stealing looks at me. I really should get over this shyness and just say hi... right now I'm almost certain hot guy is married... who gets calls at 6:45am ... ? i did back when James was in my life. Speaking of James i should write him an email telling him never to change that way he treats a woman. his romance was beautiful while it lasted.

I'm going to have me some gelato !

I went to the gym today ... and locked my keys in the car ... still in the ignition. I must have been really distracted, anyway i called Jeff to ask him to look for the spare to bring and he automatically tells me i must call a locksmith and wait for them to come open the car for me  then i have to argue with him on the phone to get him to get off his ass to at least look again for the keys what he doesn't want to do but says he'll spend only two minutes of his precious time looking for them.... so i say fine and hang up.. 5 minutes later no call from Jeff so i call the locksmith and arrange for them to come... 15 minutes later he calls and says hell be by in half an hour to get me .. and i say but i already called the locksmiths he says call them and cancel ...  wow really dude ?  do i need yet another reason to break up with him ? who the fuck tells their girlfriend any of this ? i swear i cant do this relationship thing for very long ... is this what i have to look forward to if i ever said i would marry him ? FUCK THAT !... i really need to save up some more money to get myself a car.. cause i think its really the only reason i an still there with him.. because with him i have a car where i can get back and forth to work ... i was so angry this morning i was close to tears... and he got pissed off i didn't say thank you to him for opening the car .. and wanted to start another fight with me because i told him thank you after he asked so i told him not to ask next time. FUCK! i an just so irritated with him.

THIS IS BULLSHIT... i think i might have to start taking my own advice... people will only treat you as well as you let them treat you. i just need to get the fuck out of this relationship. This is so stupid.

How i really feel ...

Im in a funky mood ... A few months ago I did something that was supposed to be a random act of kindness; I had discovered a stolen item, reported it & the rightfull owners got their item back. This item was worth over 100k. This week i got a letter in the mail thanking me for being such an honest person and a check for $200.  I know i am supposed to be grateful but i am thinking to myself ... Are you fucking kidding me ?
Jeff was like oh honey you dont seem very excited about your bit of mail , I played it off that i was really tired and my stomach was upset but  in my mind... I'm like what the fuck am i supposed to be excited about ? REALLY !? ...  goes to show that i should just let things be as they are and not interfere. I'm happy  they got their stuff back... but beyond that i dont give a flying fuck anymore... I now know its not worth the effort .

I feel pretty bad about feeling this way but i dont know whats gotten into me...

Fruit with no passion today...

feeling lonely...

How is it that i am in a relationship, work around so many people, yet feel so alone ? If drinking didnt make me feel so bad tonight would have been a good night for a bottle of champagne and watching romantic comedies all night, while hold out that prince charming might be out there somewhere waiting for me. Ah.. but i am going home to Jeff who injured himself being stupid yesterday and i get to play nurse/ babysitter... sigh .. Sometimes i wish it werent so complicated this thing called my life

Things i miss..

1. being called beautiful
2. being skinny
3. being single
4. having fun
5. being held and enjoying the feeling
6. not having to control everything
7. my old job
8. my self confidence
9. my brother
10. my freedom
11. being happy ...

Passion fruit

is there any hope ?

I keep reading all the free romance novels on my kindle, wondering if i should believe in romance and love and all these strange but wonderful stomach butterfly feelings that people so fondly write about. I always question whether or not i will feel those things; the euphoria of being madly in love with someone. what does that feel like ? I know how it feels to have someone madly in love with me but i cant say that i have felt the opposite at the same time that they had those feelings.

I keep holding out for the romantic who is just as hopeless as myself.
Where is he ?

i think i might...

Leave him a note..... or just be a complete whore and bend over in front of him... while drinking from the water fountain of course... making eye contact and doing dirty things with my tongue in the water.... (that sounds like a scene from a bad porno flick)  hahaha ... that would be too funny, especially in a gym full of people... but on a serious note I got some looks while doing dead lifts in the gym... not by him but by onlookers ....

What makes this man so appealing ?

1. His body: he's not too bulky or too skinny .... and I can almost imagine how it would feel to be pinned underneath it ... and I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue.
2. He's bald with a goatee ... there is a special place in my heart for hot bodied men with goatees ... even better if I can imagine him naked or just standing suggestively with a towel barely covering the good bits...
3. He's Dominant ... I can tell .. I can just tell ... oh so very Alpha male the way he walks into a room with a certain swagger in his step that makes me want him to take control... I've never come across a man that does this to me.... so very intriguing.  Usually  I am always in control. And if he isn't dominant ...OH MY! the fun I could have with that...
4. The sight of him makes my panties soaking wet... he must be excellent eye candy ... I wonder how big he is... I want a bite!

Its a pure physical attraction ...  What is a girl to do ?