blah .. is how i'm feeling .

My mood is all over the place ... I've got gym in the morning.. and all this unspoken sexual tension is driving me crazy.  I need a good run to clear my head. I also need to grab a paper tomorrow and seriously look for a car... this no transportation thing is getting on my nerves & I need a car before token lesbian leaves.
Tomorrow I am just going to pretend the sexy man doesn't exist.... I am going to ignore my feelings because they only cause me heartache... I wish it could be more... but I cant put my self out there anymore. I feel so much sadness & pain & I really don't understand where its all coming from but I think its best I pull a hoodie out .. plug in my headphones and just zone out like I should have been doing for the past few months.

Passion fruit

sad...

hmm ...

So !  The sexy man was at the gym again this morning... and of course I get eyeballed in the parking lot, ignored when he walks into the gym. I'm doing my walk on the treadmill cause I'm wearing my slutty bra cant have my twins bouncing for everyone to see... but they did look full and round and inviting. so fast forward through my workout we (the girls ms. bestie & token lesbian) giggle our way through the entire workout in between sighs, and gasps, and thanks to God for making such a sexy body. Then  he asks token lesbian if she is using the machine .. to which I am 2 machines over ... he bends over in front of me to pull the pin out of the weight stack and looks at me between his legs .... and of course I'm sitting on my machine mouth open eyes all over his ass and we make eye contact again... I think he is fucking with me ... needless to say there is some serious sexual tension going on ... He has a really nice butt by the way !

Passion fruit

horny ...  

... I'm terrified of rejection

I have the gym in the morning ... I'm kind of excited and kind of nervous... because of how I sped out of the parking lot last Thursday ...I'm such a spaz ... I'm so socially awkward its ridiculous and unecessary, and apparently the trifling hoe that was trying to get with Jeff at the fundraiser .. is also trying to hit on the hot guy at the gym too ... WTF!
I'm feeling weird about that because I am just selfish...
I think I should ask him his name tomorrow, or walk up to him and tell him how I really feel or just ask him if he has a wife ...

The stupid part is I feel like a bored unhappy house wife cause I'm so fixated on this guy .. who has only smiled and eyeballed me for the past couple months and only just recently spoken to me. He is gorgeous though. I am nervous about working out tomorrow ...  cause all I do is run away because of my fear of rejection.

I got my birthday wish ☺

So i had wished & prayed & wished & prayed to see the hot guy at the gym on my birthday... HE WAS SOOOOOOOOO SEXY ! I'm still to shy to talk to him, but i did make myself look available by taking my headphones off and tossing them on the floor. we both kept stealing looks in the mirrors at each other but this one chic who i don't particularly like was like she was either cock blocking or just being nosey, she was working out in the weight room with us but just an annoyance. I might have said hello if it were just me and him. OMG he is sooooooo sexy I couldn't concentrate on my workout. Hearing him breathing behind me was too much for my horny little body... so i got up and went to the ladies room where i cooled myself down with some cold water ... Its so bad i dreamt about him again last night he was leaning in to whisper something or kiss I'm not sure but before he could speak i woke up. Horny as a motherfucker with Jeff snoring right next to me, i tossed and turned for 2 hours hoping the feelings would subside, they never did but i did eventually fall asleep.

I want to touch this man, explore his body, figure him out, I don't know why i am drawn to him but its like i need him.

i think i might...

Leave him a note..... or just be a complete whore and bend over in front of him... while drinking from the water fountain of course... making eye contact and doing dirty things with my tongue in the water.... (that sounds like a scene from a bad porno flick)  hahaha ... that would be too funny, especially in a gym full of people... but on a serious note I got some looks while doing dead lifts in the gym... not by him but by onlookers ....

What makes this man so appealing ?

1. His body: he's not too bulky or too skinny .... and I can almost imagine how it would feel to be pinned underneath it ... and I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue.
2. He's bald with a goatee ... there is a special place in my heart for hot bodied men with goatees ... even better if I can imagine him naked or just standing suggestively with a towel barely covering the good bits...
3. He's Dominant ... I can tell .. I can just tell ... oh so very Alpha male the way he walks into a room with a certain swagger in his step that makes me want him to take control... I've never come across a man that does this to me.... so very intriguing.  Usually  I am always in control. And if he isn't dominant ...OH MY! the fun I could have with that...
4. The sight of him makes my panties soaking wet... he must be excellent eye candy ... I wonder how big he is... I want a bite!

Its a pure physical attraction ...  What is a girl to do ?

i gained 5lbs ... wtf ?

I been working out, eating healthy, kicking my ass in the gym , and my damn scale says i gained 5lbs ... what the fuck ??? this is not very motivating! so i will post a picture of what i am trying to acheive with my body.

This is Laura Dore i love her figure and its what im trying to work towards in the gym...

Passion Fruit. 

Im going to have a milkshake, hopefully to bring all the boys to my yard. ☺