Sunday, December 4, 2011

Today is Jeff's birthday ..

Funny how I'm the one that broke off the relationship yet i am having all of these feelings. I tried to mask them with happiness but i haven't admitted to myself that i am hurting because all of the things i wanted to do with him that he refused to do with me he is now doing with her. It does hurt. I loved him and resented him all at once. I refuse to be a bitter bitch. Why would he profess his undying love for me then turn around 10days later and go fuck her ? I honestly understand how his ex wife feels i am starting to hate him because my feelings were cast aside as if the 4years we were together didn't matter only because he wanted to keep his cock wet.  i have to keep telling myself its not me its him because i keep asking myself what did i do wrong other than feel my emotions and reached my limit for the amount of fighting and emotional abuse.
this is the same man who told me i was fat, yet this bitch is bigger than me.

I have to constantly remind myself that I deserve a man who treats me with respect. How does one rebuild after an emotionally abusive relationship ? How the fuck am i having intelligent coherent thoughts that make sense about what I'm going through yet cannot emotionally detach from this relationship ? why haven't i gotten laid yet ? I know i learn something new from every relationship Ive been in but honestly this is a lesson in what not to put up with from a partner, when to leave and when to say fuck off.  

Whats next ? killing myself on the treadmill and the weights tomorrow so my muscles scream while i cant. Now my motivation is don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me.

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