fucking range rover...

So I fucked Mr. Range rover, I was really really really horny.. and we ended up talking about fantasies on skype... and the next day i told him to come pick me up and we had nicht so gut sex ...lol it sucked .. he was apparently tired from fishing all day.. and drinking all day.. he managed to get hard one and a half times ... he came too quick for my liking ... so i made use of his hands till i got to cum .. funny thing is ... his body is so boy like... i wanted to ask him what the fuck are you going to the gym for ? maybe he needs to come train with me ... ?

then .. the next day bbg sent me a text about wanting me in a short skirt in the back of my car... I ♥ his cock ...lol

bbg on the mind

Now I can't stop thinking about the beach bar guy... and his delicious cock ... OMG... I hadn't realised that one could get addicted to dick ... I guess if it good dick sure why not ...
I found myself daydreaming of riding his cock... feeling him fill me up and feeling like my pussy is stretched to the limit, and yet I'm sore two days later and it hurts so good. I found bruises on my knees and though they hurt I smile; cause I know how I got them. I keep hearing him say to me "you're a naughty girl aren't you" or "where did you learn to suck cock like that from?" ... and I smile cause I told him he doesn't want to know.
Its weird ... If I were in a different state of mind I would want to date him because hes so nice and gentlemanly... but unfortunately I showed him my very unladylike side.. and its highly unlikely that casual sex on the beach would result into a relationship... sigh ... if I had cock like that on a regular I would be a very happy skinny well fucked woman.

Last night was amazing...

OK.. so last night i felt kinda off, was feeling sad, and lonely.. felt rejected..i dunno i was in a weird mindset.. decided to take a walk and saw my guy friend we'll call him "black pua"..cause that's what he is and his friend the guy from the beach bar.. whom i ignored because i felt like he brushed me off... anyway black pua introduced me to his other friend Jayson ... Jayson body like an Adonis strawberry blond hair soft blue eyes that stripped you naked and fucked you good and hard in 2 seconds, he was very friendly. so anyway told my buddy black pua i was at work .. and would be getting off at midnight .. and he was like oh ok were gonna be at the club so i said sure no problem... flashed a big smile and said see y'all after 12. Midnight took forever to come .. Denise a lady from work talked my head off about the way Jeff acting was indicative of him cheating and wanting the relationship to end... Anyway ... so midnight hits i go get my sis from work .. go home change, got all perfumed up "sexual secret" to get me in the mood ... and went to the club.  walked in the door & saw my friend black pua, his friend Jayson, and his other friend "beach bar guy" whom i wasn't too pleased with but i sat next to him anyway & we made nice because he apologised that he didn't know who was calling his phone and he doesn't answer private calls.. plus i didn't give him my number. true .. but he didn't ask for it either .. anyway he has it now.. whatever .. we had drinks i had a massive red bull and vodka .. anyway the music wasn't the best so we called it a night and i asked beach bar guy to walk me to my car...we jumped in and he asked me where did i live on the island.. so i said right around the corner, I'll show you so i took him to see my cute little house.. and he started rubbing on my leg ... his hands were so rough they felt amazing through my jeans omg ... i soaked through my jeans... when we came to a stop sign he leaned over and kissed me ... I'm gonna die cause he is hands down the best kisser ever ! I ran my hands over his crotch thought OK hes average sized... but bigger than Jeff... so jackpot... needless to say i told him we needed to go somewhere so i don't crash the car because all of his touching and rubbing and feeling is driving me crazy... so i took him to the beach.. showed him my boobs which made him drool and kiss and lick and suck massage i totally enjoyed the attention... then i made him sit on a rock while i blew his mind with my awesome tongue skills.... when he pulled his cock out i had to blink a few times to make sure i wasn't drunk, or hallucinating. HIS WANG IS HUGE ! its 2.5 times bigger than Jeff's ... and thick like a can of air freshener with a smaller head than the base, thank goodness for that cause if not it would have been hard to get it all in... i deep throated him on the beach.. teased it licked it sucked it worshipped it and treated it like it was the best thing i ever ate. lol... it kinda was this week .. brought him to the edge a few times.. and kept saying to him i don't know how I'm gonna take all of him .. which made him get even harder.. it was like fucking cement that's how hard it was .. and he smelled so good ...he suggested we go back to the car to see if i wanted to try his huge Wang... i shyly said yes ... it was a tight fit, filled me right up to my cervix... i rode that cock like a pony, he gave and i took.. in the backseat of my car .. then he made me lay down on the seat while he fucked me like i owed him money, I CAME TWICE ... i almost cried ... i had never ever in my lifetime had an orgasm from just cock and pussy sex without the use of toys... it was amazing ... and he kept asking if i was alright how sweet .. i cant wait to fuck him again..

Operation G.P.L

G.P.L. = Get Passion Laid ... lol .... I haven't had sex since Jeff and I broke up, and before that maybe 3 days before that... Its not like I'm not looking ... i kind of am, and i kind of am not ... i was supposed to screw this guy who flew into town on business, but i think we both were too busy ... on top of that i had just had my tooth pulled out so that kind of didn't help because i felt like i looked hideous. i wasn't eating .. might have been the medication plus the depression i felt.. top all of that off with stress and my period shows up... so even if i wanted to i couldn't ... kind of  but not really..

So operation G.P.L. is on hold till i find a willing and able and available partner.

I wish i could do this and get it over with so i could get him out of my system but ... its taking too long.

I'm a damn chicken!

I swear I don't know whats wrong with me ! ... this morning at the gym; the sexy man said good morning to me and held the door open for me, and I chickened out. There is something about this man that takes my breath away, makes my stomach flip, and my heart race. I want to tell him, but most days I cant seem to force myself to say anything to him because I feel stupid, and giddy and when looking into his eyes it feels like he is pulling my soul away from my body and exposing the me within. Only because I am dying to know if he has a wife or not... if he doesn't its on ... I really want to catch him alone in the parking lot up against his car so I can fondle him and feel him up... while staring deeply into his eyes. 

Hopefully the universe is sending token lesbian away so i can get the job done.

Passion Fruit

I finally spoke to him ..

Soooo I went to gym this morning, like i do every morning except sat & sun... getting my fitness on, enjoying the burn, feeling good, dressed like a bum! I was wearing an over sized dive t-shirt, gym pants and my head scarf looking very unshapely and bum like.
 Then my best friend says " hey Passion, come here & help me with this" and points to the other side of the gym,and there he was in all his sexiness arms holding on to the lat pull down machine looking like a underwear model.
 I had a heart attack and an orgasm all at once ... needless to say that was the end of my workout. My meddling bestie who thought today was a good day for me to get kicked into the deep end decided she wanted to go workout on that side of the gym & pushed me to ask SWAT for his assistance with a machine that was too hard to adjust... panties soaking wet ... he was happy to help and seemed to jump for the opportunity... God ! I must sound like a creepy stalker ... but he was 6 inches away from my face and I wanted to lick him and taste his salty golden skin... needless to say i was extremely pissed with my bestie as she kept looking at me like the cat who ate the canary & drank the milk too, and of course i kept telling her she wasn't my best friend anymore.  OMG!!! I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I'm a dominant woman and i have never ever had any submissive inclinations or felt what i feel for someone who just until today only spoke a few words " excuse me, can you help us with this?" & "Thank you for helping" ... to which he replied with the most dazzling smile " No problem, Anytime!" ... needless to say by then i had soaked through my panties and could feel the moisture on my thighs as i floated out of the gym with ms. bestie.  So like women we stood in the parking lot discussing how surreal it was for her to witness the stare downs and eye raping, i pointed out his car and we were discussing him quite loudly and didn't realise he had walked out of the gym... to which i quickly said to ms. bestie "I gotta go" jumped in the minivan and hauled ass out of there like i was the driver for a get away car.
Fast forward to me getting home, and Jeff is still sleeping its after 9:30am ...I'm horny as a mofo... go to the bathroom sit on the toilet look out the window .... and see SWAT driving by... he turns around at the corner and speeds back in the direction he came. WTF ??? OMG !!! ... ever so slightly turned on ... no i lie ... i am way turned on by that.  

My pick up lines ...

Hi, i love your hair... one of these days I'd love to see it buried in my crotch. ( guy is bald with goatee )
How would your wife feel if she knew i undressed you with my eyes every day at the gym ?
I cant get enough of you grunting behind me.... while i work out my inner thighs.
While you were looking did you see my nipples harden ?
What's your name ?... so i can name my vibrator after you!

Passion Fruit...
I'm so very horny ...

nothing really important going on...

I am just really, super, horny... I don't even know what to do with myself ... I have been tempted to hit on the sexy guy at the gym ... only because I am horny. I am sick of mastubating, sick of working out to get past the feelings.

ergh ... on top of that i want ice cream ... so i will have it because if i cant have sex at least i get to have ice cream... !

SWAT sighting ... instantly soaking wet

Oh my heart .. poor thing I almost had a heart attack.. I went to have lunch ... and I saw HIM !!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ! I got goosebumps, and my pussy is throbbing .... he is soooooo SEXAAAAAAAAAAAY ....  I lost my appetite , left a generous tip and ran to tell my bestie.

 

Is this a sign ...?  should I really just hand him my pussy on a platter ?... when I see him all I want to do is fuck.. or sit on his face...or lick him from head to toe. he has a body to worship... right now all I wanna do is kneel down to pray.  

 

there is a big concert tomorrow night ... I hope he is there so I could have some liquid courage to go throw myself at him.

Apparently i am someone's motivation ☺...

 To be honest I was already having a crappy day from 5:30am, i dream that i was dreaming and then my alarm went off in my dream, I woke myself up out of my dream listened for a bit, no alarm, look at my phone.. it was exactly 5:30... then Jeff wakes up because i wake up rolls out of bed to go have a piss, makes man noises and comes back to bed grumbling that now would be a good time to have sex. By now i have my panties and sports bra on and I'm thinking this man cannot be serious, and I'm also thinking .. i don't wanna have sex right now... I'm gonna get all slimy and i don't really want to shower before going to the gym.. needless to say i turned him down got my clothes on and went to the gym... HOT SWAT showed up after 7am... almost gave me a heart attack... i was like this --> <---- close to talking to him today but right when i would have gone over to ask him about increasing my upper body strength right in the middle of my leg workout on the seated squat machine this guy comes up to me gushing about what a motivation i am to his girlfriend, and how i need to crank it to the next level instead of cruising on the treadmill... WTF DUDE ! ... first of all i cruise on the treadmill so i don't have a heart attack or heart failure, second: while I'm flattered that he and she see me in the gym everyday technically i am only there for my own sanity, to keep my sex drive primed since if i don't go to the gym i will become a porn watching masturbating couch potato who lives at home with her mother... and thirdly: my main motivation is to watch the hot guy work out and silently perv on him...hehehe OH! he's so sexy... i might have to have some liquid courage to tell him i think hes sexy... or locate my balls, which I'm sure are somewhere deep up my ass... That's just my morning before 8am... When i get home Jeff isn't up yet, so i go looking for him and hes still in bed and I'm like: OK are we gonna have sex now? ( just so i can get it out of the way and i don't have to hear how hes going on his business trip and i didn't fuck him before he left and blah blah blah, to cut out all the dramatics  he waited a whole hour before he decided on if he wanted have sex or not, i guess he wanted me to turn him on or something.)  I'm sure you guys can sense my enthusiasm for this ... i don't even know how to put it nicely... he doesn't turn me on! he wants me to go to the gym because i am getting to the size he doesn't find attractive, then he wants to have sex, when i do go to the gym and I'm too fucking tired to have sex he gets all mad and upset, he doesn't entertain me, but will get upset because i use the Internet to entertain my self, i hate his friends, and love mine... were whores everyone knows it but at least we aren't in denial.

Am i with him purely out of convenience ? its possible, maybe i should tell him get back with his ex, hook me up with a nice guy who can appreciate my quirkiness and who doesn't demand sex more than once a day unless hes super hot! and we will both be very happy.  I cant wait till he leaves on his trip so i can have some peace and quiet, buy myself a new vibrator or 2 and have a good session of self loving. its bad that i wont miss him while hes gone but its like having a child, a big man baby that you should have aborted a long time ago.

Sorry this was so long i just needed to get all of that off my chest. 

Passion Fruit.  

I've lost my balls...

What is it with me these days that has me all sad and quiet... withdrawing into my mind for personal avoidance? Its like my self esteem has plummeted, on the plus side I lost 3lbs. Back to my original point... I don't know what's wrong with me... my personal goal this week was to say hello or hi to the sexy man at the gym, what did I do instead ? clam up, withdraw, look at him with lust n my eyes, look at him directly in the eyes and do nothing... what the fuck is wrong with me ? what happened to the ballsy, don't have a care in the world, no man is out of my league girl that I used to be, or who I thought I was... maybe this whole I need to lose 50 lbs... and not being comfortable in my own skin is getting to my mind... how is that possible for him to be looking at me, me to be looking back directly in his eyes; which by the way I don't even know what color they are... keep in mind I have fantasized about this man in various sexual positions... dreamt of licking him from head to toe, and have secretly worshiped his body from the safety of my treadmill at the gym... yet I cant say hello.  I think I have a panic attack every time I think about saying hello, maybe I should just wave instead... but the thought of that scares me too. How the hell am I going to rediscover the sexy woman I once was if I keep second guessing myself ?

No direction to this post...

I guess Jeff (my official boyfriend) is feeling me even more since i had my brief tryst with James... ( who by the way decided that he is now in a committed relationship with a fellow med student, so it would be inappropriate to contact me further. I think that if i help you over come your mental causes for your erectile dysfunction you should still want to make it seem like i will be your friend for life for fixing your broken cock) ... well that seemed like a rant.


Anyway... Jeff has been showering me with lots of attention, kisses, hugs, been very accepting of my shoe buying, and has been really good about me starting to dress a bit more sluttier as my weight drops. Saturday night we went out for dinner i wore some skin tight hot shorts, hot pink platform stilettos, and a baby pink baby t-shirt.. i really wish i has a pink corset to wear but it may have been too much for him. needless to say Jeff told me i looked very sexy, which is amazing because every time i had ever wanted to break up with him it was always an argument about him not complimenting me on my efforts to look nice. I hope he can keep up his good behavior I'm enjoying feeling special.
Fast forward to last night... i wore a black corset & crocodile patterned leggings with a lace poncho on top... FABULOUS ... with  nude platform pumps... my boobs looked like little large pillows...lol  anyway i looked fucking awesome! and Jeff told me so repeatedly all night... i guess he wanted o get some action last night..
The place we went to overlooks the harbour, and there was a cool breeze blowing all night kinda like a special effects fan because my hair had the wind in it at all times and this one guy described me as a super hero in my get up..lol needless to say i had 3 people mistake me for a working girl last night... I looked more like the dominatrix i am, than for sale.

( Speaking of working girls.. some of my favorite people are working girls... but the set i ran into were the cheap kind... why do they draw attention to themselves by dancing like dueling strippers in a seedy club... 2 Colombian girls in midriff baring tops, bikini strings dangling in the back, mini denim skirts, & laced up sandals with BIG fucking purses... & their madame... a former working girl looking like she had better days could have run a flat iron/ some curls in her hair. What is so hard about a cute black dress having your hair done and a simple matching handbag...don't get me started on chain smoking and flicking the ash on the ground when there were ashtrays everywhere...  )

When we finally arrived home... well after 3am... Jeff thought it would be a good idea to have sex ...lol ... i was smashed, I didn't want to have sex, my body ached, i still had my makeup on when i climbed into bed, and on top of all that we still ended up having sex... I told him he had to do all the work since i was about to pass out... when it wasn't one thing it was the next, my legs hurt, then it felt like he was slamming into my cervix, then it felt like my legs were going to fall off so i said hows about i just blow you... ? no he wanted to tit fuck me... so i let him for a couple of minutes until i started drifting off to sleep. lol ..... i envy people who have the fun kind of energetic sex...   soon ! i hope.

Passion fruit

Mr. Sexy with Tats ... i'll call him SWAT cause he looks like he should be.

There is a very sexy man at my gym...he looks like someone a  romance / erotic novel should be written about. His body is built for licking chocolate sauce off of, his arms are the kind of arms to pick you up and pin you to the wall while getting a good had fucking, his legs... only to be worshiped with a tongue and fingernails... and God help me if i ever see him naked outside of my mind all covered in soap, with his tattoos glistening under fluorescent lights; i just might faint.
I saw him the other day, he walked right in front of me, made eye contact,and i almost fell off the treadmill. I know i must have looked ridiculous i may have even freaked him out because i couldn't get my eyes off his body. I don't know if men like for a woman to look at them with lust in their eyes but i know it was getting hot, i needed a cold drink.. and i know he could have quenched my thirst.
Now i don't know whats wrong with me; because as badly as i want to say hi to this guy, ask him if he is single, as him if he want to fuck my brains out, or ask him if he could train my fat self into sexy bikini body shape I'm too afraid. Where the hell has my confidence gone ???

Any ideas on what i should say to him if i ever get the nerve to speak to him ?

passion fruit...

Let's take a walk...

Last week was possibly the last time i would ever get to see James uninterrupted or unscheduled so i took him to the botanical gardens, I had only been there once as a child and he had never been there so it was a new experience for both of us. We walked around, his arm on my shoulder and mine around his hips; Yes that is how tall he is or how short i am. I love how he makes me feel like so small and tiny and he's just there to take care of things. I dunno .. its just how i feel when I'm with him like i just want to be wrapped up in his arms because they keep me safe and i feel safe in his arms.

During our walk we discussed our relationship...or whatever it is ... I call him my undercover lover, which he doesn't really like but i broke up with my boyfriend before to be with him and his mind was clearly on someone else, then when i got back with my boyfriend he wants me all to himself. .. I dunno ... i love him to pieces but he's doing an open relationship thing with some other chicks in France, new york, and only god knows where so i don't see me being number 1 in his life just yet, and then on top of that hes busy trying to be a doctor.
I had always thought i was going to be lonely for the rest of my life.. just a miserable spinster going to work and filling her time with charities etc..
NOW... Jeff - the boyfriend has returned from his business trip and will be gone again by tonight for another week ... is just super affectionate now. I guess maybe Ive been a bit cold but i think I'm just being with him the way he used to be with me. I gave him my all for 4 years and then i left him because i felt like it wasn't going anywhere, then all of a sudden he's like i was going to ask you to marry me after my divorce is final. 
I don't know if i want to marry him anymore, there's no spark, no butterflies, i don't have any libido with him. I just don't know.
So... I hope whomever is reading about my life is having a better day right now than how I'm feeling.