I emailed this hot guy i have a crush on ... via face book .. i sent this to him now i feel like a total idiot: Hey sexy, You look familiar where do i know you from. You showed up in the people i may know list. ... and stalker because i'm going to his club tomorrow. OMG... i feel like such an idiot ....
On a different note:
I tried quantum jumping today ... talked to my doppelganger self who was beautiful and successful I asked her what the secret was, she told me: "let go & stop trying so hard and love will find me" I don't know what the hell that's supposed to mean but I guess I do try too hard at everything, and I over think everything and stress about things not being perfect .. but I am not happy with where I am right now, and I need things to move forward but they just seem like I'm swimming in quick sand with all of my goals... so far the only one I made progress with is losing some weight... and even that is kinda ridiculous I've only lost 20lbs I was hoping for 10 lbs a month ... :-(
I'm feeling a bit weirded out by the whole look within ones self for the answers but I guess letting go is the best way to start.
Passion Fruit.
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Sunday, August 14, 2011
I must be growing up...
Today while skimming through a customer service group on Facebook, I saw someone I might know in the people you might know column; we will call her Jenny*. Being the nosey person that I am, I clicked onto her facebook page to see if she had left her pics open, there were only a few open and I checked them out. The pics were of her & her husband we will call him Wilson* and their baby girl.
Wilson and I used to date; the story he told me was that he and Jenny had broken up because she had a miscarriage and couldnt cope with the loss. The gossip surrounding her misscarriage was that she had an abortion because she was fucking a black guy on the side and had gotten pregnant but didn't know who her baby's daddy was and she didnt want to risk losing Wilson if her baby was born black & not mixed race, either way she was upset about not having the baby. Sooooo while I was supposed to be be dating Wilson she saw us out together and I guess came to her senses and decided she wanted him back. i don't know why ? i'll never know why ...but anyway my birthday was coming up and Wilson had asked me what it was I wanted, and I told him I wanted a mercedes and he agreed to buy me one for my birthday and told me to look for one, so I did. Things were going well enough with the relationship, or so I thought he being a busy expat exec and me being the cute black girl working shifts, then he says he going on a business trip, which is fine for his job. while he's away I left him cute voice mails saying how I missed him and couldnt wait for him to be back blah blah blah. i will never ever do that shit again... even if i miss a guy i wouldnt its just stupid and they dont appreciate it. While he is supposed to be away on business my sister and cousin decide we are going to go out for cocktails at the square... who should we see Wilson & Jenny all lovey dovey snatched up together, his best friend, and his neighbours who all know I was sleeping with him days before he was supposed to be away on business. The rage from the deepest pits of hell couldnt match how I felt, and I spat curse words at all of them for being so deceptive, especially Wilson & his now very proud housewife Jenny who was all upset and tried to fight me. I begged that bitch to throw the first blow... that bitch didnt have the balls and still doesn't. The people who work at the bar where all this drama happened still remember that epic almost fight.
I hated him for years afterward, I got really depressed and buried myself into my work. I hated her even more because I wanted that damn mercedes I had picked out for my birthday, and i wanted that fantasy lifestyle and i felt as thought i had it until she came back on the scene. What made things so bad was I actually had feelings for this guy and he lied to me while I was thinking it might have worked. But it didnt so oh well. Needless to say it seems as though they are very happy with eachother and their new baby from the pictures they left open. Funny how I dont have the hatred for the two them that I had 6 years ago.This must be what it's like to mature... I must be growing up.
Wilson and I used to date; the story he told me was that he and Jenny had broken up because she had a miscarriage and couldnt cope with the loss. The gossip surrounding her misscarriage was that she had an abortion because she was fucking a black guy on the side and had gotten pregnant but didn't know who her baby's daddy was and she didnt want to risk losing Wilson if her baby was born black & not mixed race, either way she was upset about not having the baby. Sooooo while I was supposed to be be dating Wilson she saw us out together and I guess came to her senses and decided she wanted him back. i don't know why ? i'll never know why ...but anyway my birthday was coming up and Wilson had asked me what it was I wanted, and I told him I wanted a mercedes and he agreed to buy me one for my birthday and told me to look for one, so I did. Things were going well enough with the relationship, or so I thought he being a busy expat exec and me being the cute black girl working shifts, then he says he going on a business trip, which is fine for his job. while he's away I left him cute voice mails saying how I missed him and couldnt wait for him to be back blah blah blah. i will never ever do that shit again... even if i miss a guy i wouldnt its just stupid and they dont appreciate it. While he is supposed to be away on business my sister and cousin decide we are going to go out for cocktails at the square... who should we see Wilson & Jenny all lovey dovey snatched up together, his best friend, and his neighbours who all know I was sleeping with him days before he was supposed to be away on business. The rage from the deepest pits of hell couldnt match how I felt, and I spat curse words at all of them for being so deceptive, especially Wilson & his now very proud housewife Jenny who was all upset and tried to fight me. I begged that bitch to throw the first blow... that bitch didnt have the balls and still doesn't. The people who work at the bar where all this drama happened still remember that epic almost fight.
I hated him for years afterward, I got really depressed and buried myself into my work. I hated her even more because I wanted that damn mercedes I had picked out for my birthday, and i wanted that fantasy lifestyle and i felt as thought i had it until she came back on the scene. What made things so bad was I actually had feelings for this guy and he lied to me while I was thinking it might have worked. But it didnt so oh well. Needless to say it seems as though they are very happy with eachother and their new baby from the pictures they left open. Funny how I dont have the hatred for the two them that I had 6 years ago.This must be what it's like to mature... I must be growing up.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Exit Mr. James
I blew him a kiss as i walked away from him, the rain had just stopped falling and I really didn't want to leave him, it took everything within me to pull myself away from his arms. Earlier i was interrupted while i was professing my love for him and i never got to finish telling him just how deeply i had felt for him; but then after being interrupted so many times and him talking non stop ... i told him i would just be his friend. I could see the devastation on his face, but there were so many unanswered questions and it seemed to me that he deliberately avoided answering those questions that i reminded him about maybe twice... and he still didn't answer so to me it was inevitable that i would have to push him away from me emotionally. I later sent him an email asking him where do we go now... no answer... its been radio silence for five days... Its understandable i guess when you have had your heart broken enough times you toughen up and fight the feelings lurking in the background.
Just before i walked away he told me he didn't want to let me go, and that his body was responding to my hands on his body. i said " well honey, you already know the moment i hear your voice my panties are soaked" as i saw myself walking away i could feel the tightness in my throat build up and the tears burning in my eyes. I had to remember what he looked like because this was the last time i would ever see him. thank god i wore makeup & did my hair.
passion fruit
Just before i walked away he told me he didn't want to let me go, and that his body was responding to my hands on his body. i said " well honey, you already know the moment i hear your voice my panties are soaked" as i saw myself walking away i could feel the tightness in my throat build up and the tears burning in my eyes. I had to remember what he looked like because this was the last time i would ever see him. thank god i wore makeup & did my hair.
passion fruit
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